BY EDISON MARTE SICAD
“…for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” – Desiderata
IT IS BUT natural to miss and then meet people or have an occasional gathering—or drinking session with friends. The separation, brought by work and other personal or social factors, makes the get-together a sought-after activity. Although personal lives are now mostly updated through social media, nothing beats a face-to-face night out with food, friends, and “foes.” Admittedly, get-togethers and gossips — even grandstanding — can improve a person’s relationship or outlook in life.
Of schadenfreude and social rankings
schadenfreude: enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others. Merriam-Webster.
There is a hidden snort of giggling — like a childish creature tiptoeing and dancing with glee — upon hearing that someone has made a significant blunder that has become a scrumptious table topic for “socially concerned individuals.”
By instinct, people rank themselves. The feeling of being worthy or dispensable, the degree of contribution and recognition — of having a successful life — has a yardstick: a personal (subjective) comparison chart. It’s a fluid, ever-changing scale that depends on a criterion the person chooses as a reasonable variable for any given day — or night. And gossips can tip such a scale: affecting social status, influencing personal beliefs, enlivening conversations.
Having a lively discussion at the expense of others — giving a heartfelt analysis and prognosis, debating on the causation and correlation of actions, and promulgating a judgment in the spirit of groupthink — is intoxicating.
In the hot seat
Friends could be cruel sometimes. As if they know better as to how to live your life. Their suggestions are brilliantly well thought-out (and sometimes deliberated in full when you’re not around). Some have good intentions. They would discuss it with you in private — a rare attribute of a true friend. But life would be virtuously boring if all your friends — or colleagues — are unblemished. A bit of backstabbing and rumormongering make life (especially someone else’s life) more interesting.
But a family gathering could be more cruel. With parental authority and a “been there, done that” premise, a family member could be facing a jury and a judge ready to pronounce a verdict all in the name of, well, the family name.
Gossips can be intensified by blood: either by the difficulty of keeping the family member concerned out of the loop, or by the open criticism in front of everyone in the guise of transparency and family unity.
To those who have been in a hot seat — knowing fully well that you have been outnumbered and put in your place — explaining or fighting it out is a futile defense. To some, this is where resentment and resignation become a weapon of choice: a seething silence that scalds the relationship, boils the blood dry, and uproots the family tree from one’s heart.
But still, we will continue to engage in opinion-gossip conversations.
Could it be that gossiping is also a gesture of concern?
A reflective act done to remind oneself what not to do or how to live one’s life? That a rumor must inherently be listened to, exaggerated, and spread?
A friend of mine said that we are all born to gossip. Man’s curiosity about the lives of others is a social element of civilization that, like pollination, enables an individual to survive and thrive.
For there are those who get contented — and are happy — that someone is lower or lesser than them. While there are those who get inspired that they can also be greater than others someday. Success then could either be looking down on or looking up to others. Gossiping then is a boon or bane depending on one’s perspective or point of view.
It is no wonder that we continue to admire heroic acts and selfless endeavors. For we get to see the difference between the making of a living and the living of a good life. It is no wonder that we put value to family legacies and true friendship. For we get to appreciate stewardship and respect the dignity of others. Also, it is no wonder that showbiz and politics are the mainstay delicacies in the tongues of men and women. For we could be “nasty and brutish” in our choice of entertainment: embellishing stories, destroying reputations, and ruining relationships in our quest for building personal prestige./PN
