FROM TORONTO, I sought a few days’ extension to visit a family in the Middle East — a case I had already been briefed on a month earlier. The family had reached out for my intervention, hoping I could help resolve a growing conflict involving the father and his three children.
“Family B,” a second-generation business with deep-rooted values, had been grappling with dysfunction for years. The father, frustrated by the wayward actions of one of his sons, had worked tirelessly to draft a family constitution. This document was meant to address key issues such as succession, roles, and accountability, serving as a roadmap to guide the family through its challenges.
However, just as the father was prepared to enforce the agreed-upon rules, the wayward son sought forgiveness, expressing heartfelt regret for his past actions. Touched by his emotional plea, the father’s firm resolve softened. What had started as a structured, rules-based approach gave way to leniency, with exceptions made in the name of love and second chances. The result was predictable: the son reverted to his old habits, the business suffered from inconsistent leadership, and resentment festered among the other siblings, who felt betrayed by their father’s sudden shift.
This story illustrates a hard truth: governance requires consistency and discipline, even when emotions come into play. Without enforcement, a family constitution becomes an empty promise, leading to fractured relationships and a vulnerable business.
Why Families Hesitate
In cases like Family B’s, reluctance to enforce governance often stems from emotional ties and the fear of fracturing relationships. However, this reluctance carries steep consequences:
* Fear of Alienation – Parents often fear that enforcing rules may push their children away, leading them to compromise core principles.
* Guilt and Emotional Manipulation – Forgiveness, while a noble act, can sometimes be weaponized, making it harder for families to uphold rules.
* Misplaced Optimism – Families may believe that good intentions or verbal agreements are enough to maintain harmony without formal enforcement.
The Dire Consequences of Refusing to Commit
Failure to commit to governance results in far-reaching consequences:
1. Erosion of Credibility – When leaders bend the rules, it sends a message that the constitution is optional. This undermines its authority and creates a culture of selective adherence.
2. Sibling Rivalries – Favoritism or inconsistency in enforcement fuels resentment among family members, often leading to factions and long-term disputes.
3. Business Instability – Without governance, critical issues like succession, financial control, and strategic direction are left to chance, jeopardizing the business’s future.
4. Generational Disconnect – Younger generations lose trust in the system and may disengage entirely, depriving the family of fresh ideas and leadership.
Turning Inaction Into Action
To avoid the pitfalls of inconsistency, families must prioritize governance as a long-term commitment. Here’s how:
* Reaffirm Commitment to Governance – Leaders must regularly remind the family of the constitution’s importance. This includes revisiting its purpose and provisions during family meetings or retreats.
* Seek Professional Mediation – Emotions often cloud judgment. An objective third party, such as a family business advisor, can help families navigate difficult situations and maintain accountability.
* Institute Consequences – Clear consequences for non-compliance should be agreed upon and documented. For example, roles or privileges can be revoked if the constitution is violated.
* Strengthen Family Councils – Empower the Family Council to act as a governance enforcer, independent of individual family members’ emotions. This helps separate personal relationships from business decisions.
* Lead by Example – The senior generation, especially the founder, must uphold the rules without bias. A parent’s actions set the tone for the rest of the family.
* Create a Feedback Loop – Allow family members to voice concerns or propose adjustments to the constitution over time. Governance should evolve alongside the family and its business.
A Call to Action
Governance is not an abstract idea—it is the backbone of a thriving family enterprise. Families that shy away from enforcement risk irreparable damage to both their relationships and their business.
The question remains: Will your family commit to the discipline of governance, or will you risk losing everything you’ve worked so hard to build?/PN
