THE COMPLETE title of this article is “Why Wattpaders can’t win a Nobel Prize for Literature, or the Palanca Awards.”
In Part 2, ThePSN recalled the history and tradition of literature, and compares it to the Wattpad system of a popularity contest.
This is Part 3.
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Anyway, you grow in stature in Wattpad, and you climb the ranking totem pole, by the magnitude or number of your readers and followers.
You have one million fans, you are a superstar.
You may get a book deal, maybe a movie deal, if you are not a complete hack.
But at what cost?
At the cost and sacrifice of real Art.
At the death of the Artist in you.
No secret: People love Sh*t.
People don’t want to read intellectual and serious literary stuff.
(If you have read this far, congratulate yourself!)
But generally, people don’t want to read and think.
They just want to read, have an erection, get high, achieve orgasm, and…
“Next!”
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Wattpad is literature pandering to the readers’ baser instincts.
(Please look up “pandering” if you don’t know the word.
Actually, look it up NOW even if you already know the meaning of the word.)
So, don’t tell me that if you have a chance, you won’t use Sex to sell your story!
That you won’t exploit your readers’ weaknesses to get one million fans and readers.
That you won’t write about rape, incest, bestiality, vampire fantasies, 50 shades of plagiarized sex fantasies, or write pornography to be famous and popular.
You can fool yourself, but you can’t fool me.
I mean, How dare you refuse to use words to be famous!
How dare you refuse the possibility of ranking No.#1 on Wattpad, and getting a book deal!
You. Are. Not. F*cking. Rich. And. Famous. Like. I. Am!
So, do not try to give me bullsh*t because I’ll give it to you first.
This is real talk, baby.
You have to sell your soul to the devil to be No.#1 in Wattpad.
And for me, there’s nothing wrong with that.
So, chill!
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Sell your soul to the devil.
I mean, if the devil will take your stupid soul, give it to Him.
Get rich.
Boost your ego.
Do what will make you happy.
Because I’m telling you, the literary establishment will not stroke your ego.
Do not be a martyr, do not die a struggling writer (or artist)!
Nobody will make you a National Artist.
(And what good is a posthumous award?
What’s a free burial if you have already been eaten by worms?)
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Look, the literary mafia will not give you the Nobel Prize nomination.
The Palanca Awards will not give you a gold medal for your writings that are in the Wattpad-quality level.
(Disclaimer: My views do not represent the prestigious Palanca Awards.
I’m just a Palanca Hall of Famer.
I am neither the awards committee nor the Palanca Foundation.
Egotistically, I just feel that having earned 19 Palancas, I have a good sense of what works, and what does not in the contest!)
So again, let’s review:
Your Wattpad readers are teenagers (and wannabe writers) who can hardly write a syntactically correct sentence of 64 words themselves.
(The 64-Word Test is my personal invention for masterful writing.
If you can’t write a beautiful syntactically correct sentence over 63 words, I don’t need to like you as a writer.)
Your readers are also chimimays and yayas who are waiting on these teenagers who can’t write 64 words without committing an error in grammar and punctuation…
While, and I’ll break grammar rules here and be repetitive to include “on the other hand”, the Palanca judges are university professors, and literary scholars who are intellectually rooted in literary writings dating as far back as Sappho and Aristophanes. (No, idiot, those are not Wattpad pseudonyms!)
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Now, watch my one masterful 88-word sentence:
Your Wattpad readers are teenagers (and wannabe writers) who can hardly write a syntactically correct sentence of 64 words themselves, and chimimays and yayas who are waiting on these teenagers who can’t write 64 words without committing an error in grammar and punctuation, while — and I’ll break grammar rules here and be repetitive to include “on the other hand” — the Palanca judges are university professors and literary scholars who are intellectually rooted in literary writings dating as far back as Sappho and Aristophanes, which are not Wattpad pseudonyms!
Whew! What a showy bastard I am. (To be continued/PN)
